Cross That Line

"Go ahead, cross that line. I Dare You!" he said as he drew a line in the dirt with his foot.

I remember it well. I'm sure it happened many times as a kid when it made no impact at all but there was one "Cross that line" event that stayed in my memory for life. I didn't want to cross that line. I knew when I crossed that line he would hit me and I knew that he was bigger, stronger and tougher than me, but everyone was watching. You can't let 'em know you're scared. A real man, even in elementary school, doesn't back down from a dare. So, I did it. I crossed that line...

How many times in life have I "Crossed That Line"? Physically, emotionally, spiritually or any other *ally you can think of, I have crossed many lines in my life. Some call it courageous, some call it stupid, I just call it The Life of Dwyndl. Sometimes it's brave to venture into the unknown, try new things and explore uncharted waters. Sometimes it's not about a challenge as much as it is about pride and selfishness. Normally when the phrase, "cross that line" is used, it has a bad or negative connotation. But what is it that causes us to do it? Why listen to the bully who is manipulating you to step into danger? Why worry about the jeers from the crowd telling you to "Do it, Do it, Do it!"? Why cross over into what you know to be wrong and bad for you?

Lately I've been thinking a lot about this subject. I've read some articles, 1 book and many Bible passages about failure, redemption, mistakes, sin, forgiveness and restoration. Ya see, I consider myself, at this stage in life, to be a failure. I know many of you will want to tell me how I am Not a failure and point out the good things in my life, and I won't list the reasons why I believe this to be true but trust me, the list is long. I'm not saying I will remain a failure, but at this point in my life I have failed and as I evaluate the reasons why, it comes down to crossing that line. Actually I can look back at my life and see that every time I failed in a big way, every time I had to start over, every time I brought shame or disgrace to myself, my family or my God, it was because I crossed that line. Always the same line? No, there have been many. But every time, although coerced and enticed by the biggest bully of them all, I personally chose to cross that line knowing perfectly well that it was a mistake and I have to face the consequences each time.

The last playground game with the bully happened over 2 years ago and was the worst beating of my life. I was not just knocked down with a little bleeding and bruises. This time I was knocked out and left for dead. As far as I was concerned I had died. No desire in me to get up, no motivation to recover or fight another day, I was defeated and believed that there was no hope for recovery. Then the Principal came out to the playground and picked me up out of the dirt. He sat me down next to a kid who could not only protect me but could encourage me to hold my head up and go back out on the playground to enjoy the games as they were intended. I continued to struggle with fear that the Bully would show up again, entice me and once again I would some day cross that line. I worried that the last line I crossed was too big to overcome and my Father could never see me as a man again, instead only feel ashamed that I had claimed to be His son. How could I cross back to the other side of that line once I had crossed it so defiantly?

Some of my readings led me to a man named David. He was a great man. Honored and adored by many. Yet he was coerced by the Bully to cross that line and boy did he. He committed adultery with the wife of a man who was honoring David and serving him as soldier. He tried to cover up a pregnancy and even had her husband killed. David paid greatly for his sin, but he repented and he was called a man after God's own heart. I read about a man named Peter who crossed a line out of fear of the crowd. He lived for 3 years with his mentor, his leader, his Lord and Savior and loved Him very much. He was dedicated to His leader to the point when his mentor was being arrested Peter tried to kill one of the arresting officers but cut off the man's ear instead. Later in the night, when everyone had turned against this man Peter worshiped and pledged allegiance, Peter denied he even knew this man. The thing that makes it even worse; as Peter denied the final time, very emphatically, he looked up into the eyes of the man on whom he had just turned his back. What a failure! A few days later, after his Savior had been killed and raised from the dead, Peter came to understand forgiveness like never before and later preached a sermon which was understood in many languages and 3000 people put faith in this Savior Peter had denied and the good news of Jesus was spread to the whole world.

In elementary school I crossed that line physically and although I put up a fight, I was pummeled by the bully. It makes great TV to show the weaker kid beat the bully but in real life, the bully normally wins the fight. I obviously didn't learn to apply to all of life because since then I've allowed the lure of something better, more exciting, more fun, or even the dare of something forbidden to entice me to cross that line when I knew the ultimate bully was waiting to pummel me. I've been taught my whole life that once you cross certain lines there's no going back. There's no way to ever be of use again. I believed that and had given up; until God reminded me of Grace. I am ashamed of the lines I've crossed out of pride or selfishness but I'm finally accepting that when God said He would forgive, that included a failure like me. Am I a failure, Yep, you bet your mama's sweet petunias I am, but if it weren't for failures Jesus wouldn't have needed to die. If it weren't for failures we wouldn't have a Bible because every person who wrote it was a failure at some point. I have failed but I won't continue to fail in the same ways. Finally I am beginning to understand that Grace really is just that, Grace, a free gift, not something I have to earn, but something I should be so grateful for that it changes who I am and the decisions I make. I'm not bragging about my sin, I'm bragging about a God who loves me enough to forgive me and still love me after I let Him down. He'll do the same for you.

Go ahead, cross that line. I dare you!