The Past

What I'm writing about today is not new. Many quotes, sermons, motivational talks and books have been written about this subject and I realize that I "Should" have this down by now. Heck, I've even preached some pretty good sermons on this subject and had people tell me how much it helped them, yet I'm striving to learn and apply this again, today; Dealing with the Past.

I wrote a poem years ago after going through a difficult time and I still bring it up every once in a while but I'm not sure it conveys what I think it should. It is dark and depressing instead of bright and encouraging. But I'm still going to share it with you: :)

It comes and goes no warning to give

It will haunt you with the truth

It spins you around, turns you upside down

Leaves you begging for something new

When it's ended you think, it's gone

But only 'til remembrance comes

Will you be free from all who see

These things which you have done

If it's truly thrown into a bottomless pit

And becomes a forgotten task

How does it return, inside you burn

This thing we call our past.

The past can be harsh or it can be our greatest teacher. The difference comes from out attitude and outlook. The Apostle Paul said in his letter to the Philippians "Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phil 3:13-14) I don't know about you, but for me the forgetting part is difficult at times. I think the idea is to keep moving forward regardless of past circumstances. Paul did some pretty bad stuff before meeting Christ and he went through some pretty scary stuff while following Christ, but he kept moving forward.

The Bible also tells us to remember the past. Speaking to the Church in Ephesus, Jesus said, "Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first." (Rev 2:5) One lesson here is to help us not to continue making the same mistakes. Remember how good it can be when you are walking with Christ. Remember the lessons learned and do the good things that make a difference. Memory can be a blessing or a curse depending on how you allow it to affect you.

Lately I've found myself dwelling in the past and what might have been. I can see many things from my past that should teach me and guide me to be better. There are also things in past that make me cringe with embarrassment. I have lost things that I would love to have back; people, opportunities, possessions, etc., but they are all in the past and I don't know if those things would help or hinder my success in the future.

Sometimes we lose what we value as important but regardless of how great it was, when it’s gone, it’s gone. We then have to decide if we will dwell on the loss of the past or make the best of what we have while striving for what awaits us. Maybe there’s something better than what we thought was the best, if we don't miss it while dreaming about what's lost. Maybe what we have is better than what we lost but we are too distracted to notice how great it is. Maybe what was lost was not a great as we remember it. Regardless, the past is the past, we should learn from the lessons of the past, forget the useless things of the past and head into the future with expectation and determination that the greatness, or defeats, of the past will not keep us from the greatness, and successes, of what is yet to come. 

Yesterday I spent the day reflecting on the past and perceptions of the negatives that raced through my mind. This morning I woke up with a new desire to grab the future and make it better than the past. What will your tomorrow be? Mine is filled with possibilities and promises of a faithful God. So is yours if you'll look. Let's take on the future, leaving the past in the past. I know it's an old saying but when the enemy tries to remind us of past failures, let's remind him of his future and remember that our future is bright and filled with Hope!

God Bless!

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The Reunion

This is a short story I wrote in 1996 for an Advanced Creative Writing Class. I see some errors but I still like it. I hope you enjoy. Leave me a comment on here or Facebook and follow my blog.

The Reunion

by,

Dwyndl L. Nelms

The Arrival

The blast of the siren and the flashing blue lights in the rear view mirror jolted William from his day dream. A frantic reaction caused him to jerk the steering wheel to the right. He slammed the brake peddle to the floor and stopped just short of the ditch. Feeling every vein in his body throbbing with every heartbeat, he didn't understand what had happened. In his side mirror he saw a policeman walking toward the car with his hand on his gun.

"Sir, are you alright?," the policeman asked. "Sir...sir, are you OK?"

William sat there almost numb trying to think of an excuse to tell the officer. An excuse couldn't be found since William had no idea what he had done. Millions of thoughts rushing through his mind yet he couldn't remember what had just happened. Why was he being pulled over? The cruise control was set several miles back so he couldn't have been speeding. Thoughts continued to race around his mind as he heard the policeman speaking to him in a very firm voice, "Step out of the car very slowly, and keep your hands where I can see them."

Completely terrified William opened the car door and stepped out of the car. "What seems to be the problem officer?" William asked in a shaky voice.

"Please move to the back of the car and stand facing the trunk."

The bright light from the officer's flashlight almost blinded William. He held his hand in front of his eyes and squinted trying to get a glimpse of the policeman and what his partner was doing.

The second policeman began to search the car. He didn't find anything inside the car, so he took the keys and, moving William out of the way, opened the trunk.

"There's nothing there," said William. "What are you looking for?"

William took a half step toward the officer before the first one grabbed his arm.

"Sir, you were swerving all over the road and ran through a red light and two stop signs. Have you been drinking tonight?"

He tried to hold it back, but he couldn't. Laughter spewed from William's mouth. He could hardly believe the question. Anyone who knew William would have been laughing with him, he was very well known as a man who didn't drink. He was known as a man who never did anything that might be considered bad for you, immoral, or wrong. His laughter simply intensified the more that he thought of the question.

William had a very distinctive laugh. It was a mixture of snorts and whistles like no one else could even imitate. "I don't mean to laugh. . . officer. It's just. . . that. . . if you only knew." He could barely get the sentence out in between snorts.

"Billy?" the officer asked in a surprising voice. "Billy Patterson, is that you? Ain't nobody else could have that laugh, I can't believe it. Wait 'til the guys hear this. They'll n'er believe I pulled over ole Billy Patterson for 'spicion of drunk driving." As he thought about it he burst into uncontrollable laughter himself. "Hey Mark, you remember all those stories I told about that nerd in High School? This here's the man I was talking 'bout."

"Well, if what you say is true he can't be drunk. . . He must really be as ignorant as you said he was, driving like that."

William's laughter stopped, and a peculiar smirk took it's place while the laughter of the two policemen increased. He realized that the first officer was none other than his high school classmate Charlie Eastman.

"Charles. . . Charlie Eastman. It's been a long time. I've been looking forward to seeing you. I never would have guessed that you were a policeman. Although it does not surprise me that you are still living in Pleasant Valley," he said in a demeaning tone. "Even though you always swore that you would leave this town, I didn't expect much from you."

"Hey, what's that s'pose to mean?" he said in an angry voice, "You saying that yo'r better than me?"

"No, no Charles, I'm not saying that I'm better than you. After all, 'Pride cometh before the fall' and I've fallen too many times in life. I don't want that to happen again," William said with a self-righteous grin.

"Well that's good, cuz just 'cause I'm a cop don't mean I can't still stomp you in the ground. It'd be jus like ol' times, 'cept nobody'd be able to save yo' butt dis time."

"Now, now, now, we're all adults," said Mark. "Let's just forget about the past and go on with our lives. Come on Charlie, we got to go and check on Old Lady Morris. If we don't get there before 5 o'clock she'll be calling the Mayor."

"Alright Mark, we'll go." Charlie's angry frown turned into a smile. "Hey Billy, it's been good to see ya again. Look forward to talking with ya at the re-union. Don't be such a stranger, shoot, I bet it's been fifteen years or better since we seen each other. Oh Yea, pay attention to your driving. You need to be careful. You could've hurt someone."

As Mark and Charlie drove away William couldn't help but speak his thoughts out loud, "What an Imbecile. I can't believe that idiot is allowed to carry a gun. He hasn't grown up at all. He still get's mad at the drop of a hat and then ten minutes later acts as if nothing has happened. The moron doesn't even realize that a twenty year reunion means that we've been out of school for twenty years"

William hadn't seen any of his classmates since their graduation, twenty years ago. May 14, 1976, that's the day William gave his valedictory speech, accepted his diploma, hopped in his '72 V.W. Beetle and drove right past the graduation dance to the city limit sign. Once he reached the sign he stopped the car, walked over to the sign and swore not to return to Pleasant Valley until he was a success and could pay them back for what they had done, every one of them.

The Reason

                         "The Pleasant Valley Graduating Class of 1976 announces their
                            Twentieth Anniversary. Saturday, May 26, 1996, at 7:00 p.m. in
                            the High School Gym. The last chance to see the  old gym before it
                            is torn down and a new one is built. If you were in the Class of '76
                            please make plans to attend."

William read over the announcement again in his hotel room. This was the announcement that ran in the P.V. Press. He had been receiving the newspaper for the last six months anticipating and searching for the announcement. He knew that his big chance would be at the reunion. "They won't be laughing at Billy Patterson this time," he thought to himself. William couldn't wait for tomorrow night and he knew that his day had finally arrived.

He carefully folded the newspaper clipping and tucked it into his day-planner. Taking his high school annual from his brief case he began to glance through the pages. The first few pages were just pictures of people standing around or studying or acting silly. A few made him laugh; a few made him want to cry. Memories began to flood William's mind as he reached the senior section. Just as he was about to turn the page to the first page of senior photos he heard someone speaking to him.

"Billy Patterson, What are you doing here?" was said in a firm and angry voice. Billy sat on the bed stiff with fear. The voice continued, "I thought I told you that I didn't want to see you here ever again. You just ain't real smart for a smart boy are you? You need to stay in that science class and keep on getting better at being a nerd. I guess I'm gonna have to remind you of a few of the rules around here."

Billy opened his eyes, turned around and saw the meanest kid in class, Paul Adams. "I'm sorry Paul. . . it's just that. . . I really had to use the rest room." Billy said in a small, fragile voice. "Please let me go, I promise I won't mess up again."

Ring. . .Ring. . .William was startled by the sound of the telephone. "H-H-Hello."

"Hello, Mr. Patterson, this is the Hotel Manager. I want to apologize for your room. I had instructed the desk to save you a king, but they made a mistake. We are completely booked up this weekend, due to the reunion. We will give you a discount to make up for the problem and if you need anything at all please don't hesitate to let us know."

"Everything is fine," William said. "The room is just fine."

"Thank you, Mr. Patterson, and once again, I'm sorry for the mistake. Have a good night's sleep."

William hung up the phone and his heart began to slow down. He took a deep breath and finally looked at page 14 in his annual. The very first picture was Paul Adams. Fear began to disappear as William began to speak, "Don't worry Paul, you'll get yours. You all will."

William continued to flip through the pages of the annual. They were all there. Charlie, Larry, John, Andrew, all of them in the same spot they had been every time he had looked in this book of memories.

William finally turned to the page with his picture, He probably wouldn't have wanted to look at this page except for one picture. Right next to William was Brad Parker, the only guy in school who treated William as a friend. Brad never called William a nerd, knocked his books out of his hand or even pulled his shorts down in gym as the cheerleaders came through. Maybe that was because Brad was considered a nerd also. But that didn't matter. Brad was a big guy. He was not the smartest kid in class, but was sure the strongest and toughest. No one, not even Paul Adams, or Bubba Wilson would mess with Brad. He showed up just in time many days to keep Billy from being beat up. If it were not for Brad, William might not have made it.

Looking at the picture of Brad made William proud to have such a friend, but it also made him very sad. Brad was killed in a farming accident about two years back. They had written each other up until then. William didn't find out about the accident until the funeral was over. He never got to say goodbye. He had plans to stop by the cemetery tomorrow. "I sure do miss you Brad. Tomorrow night is for both of us."

William continued to look through the annual and remembered lots of kids and the mean things they had said or done. He finally came to the last page of the seniors. There they were. "It should be a sin for Leslie Wilson to be on the same page as Mary Lou Anderson," William declared. Leslie was better known as Bubba, and was nothing more than a bully in William's eyes. He was voted most popular, most handsome, most likely to succeed, and was even Senior Class President, and of course Captain of the football team. However, to William he was scum. He was the leader of all the ones who had made high school life for Billy Patterson a living nightmare. In William's eyes he deserved what was coming more than anyone.

Rage was taking over William's mind as he looked down at Mary Lou Anderson. The most beautiful girl in school. William instantly turned to mush just looking at or thinking about her. In William's mind she was perfect. Never had God made a more glorious creature. As his mind raced, thinking of every kind word she had ever said to him, he began to fantasize of what might have been if he'd only had the courage to ask her out. Instead, she ended up with Bubba Wilson. This made William angry again. "Life just isn't fair," screamed William as he slammed the book closed.

The room began to appear smaller and as if it were moving as William paced around the room in anger so he took a drink of water to calm down and re-opened the book. Turning to the teacher's section. There he was, Dr. Blakeburn. Everyone just called him "Doc." He was the science teacher and most kids liked him, but hated his class. William was different, He loved both the teacher and the class. Science class was the one place were Billy Patterson could be on top. He always had the highest average and caught on to everything faster than most of the others. Doc was the one who showed Billy how exciting science could be. He also pointed out the money that could be made if the right field was chosen. Doc always encouraged Billy to do his absolute best and become something great. Even in the back of the annual, where most kids had lots of signatures, Billy had just one, it was from Doc. "Billy, never give up on what you believe. You have the ability to be great. Don't let the crowd get you down. If they control you, they win. With lots of admiration, Doc." These words always stuck with William. He would never forget Doc.

The Prepartaion

The next morning William woke up early with excitement about all he had to do today. The cemetery would be the first stop in order to see Brad's grave site. He noticed the headstone right away placed on the very edge of the cemetery just a few feet from the road. As William sat and talked to his old friend he looked and saw a beautiful white kitten crossing the road from the woods on the other side. He then noticed a car speeding down the curvy road and yelled for it to stop. It didn't even attempt to stop, but the cat scurried along and somehow made it across the road. William must have closed his eyes, because he was certain that the cat had been hit.

He ran and lifted the kitten into his arms and stroked it as he asked if it were alright. "Don't worry little kitty, I'll take care of you," William said in a sympathetic voice. "You won't have to be afraid anymore, I'll take you home with me. I couldn't bear the thought of you getting hurt." William said his good-byes to Brad and stroked the back of the kitten as he carried her to the car.

His next stop was "Herrington's Men's Store." He was determined to look good for the party tonight. He bought all new clothes, a new suit, shirt, shoes, socks, tie, and even a matching handkerchief. He was going all out for tonight. The money was not an issue for William anymore and he was not going to be a tightwad tonight. Those days were over.

He stopped by Ray's Barber Shop for a new hair style, one that didn't look nerdy. Next he was off to Dr. Malone's for a new pair of contacts. He had gotten a pair several months ago, but had accidentally torn one of them and lost the other just recently. He was not taking a chance on being called four eyes tonight. His final stop would be the post office to retrieve a package awaiting him to pick up. He was praying all the way there that it had arrived. If it were late it would ruin his whole plan. He was excited to see that the package was there and everything going perfectly. It began to sink in that in a mere three hours his big plans would come to fruition. It seemed he'd been waiting forever, but 20 years is a long time to plan and wait.

The Decision

William walked into the high school gym looking the best he had ever looked. Nothing could compare to the feeling of tonight, not the numerous awards he had received for his contributions to science, not his new promotion to the head of the science department of Adriel Industries, not even the half of a million dollar bonus he had received for his latest invention. This was the night he had been waiting for for twenty years. Nervous butterflies could be felt be he was certain they would disappear as soon as he saw everyone again.

"Sir, have you signed in yet? I guess not, we have a name tag for you so that everyone will be able to recognize you. You know how everyone has changed. It's so hard to tell who is who. Just come with me and we'll get you all fixed up. So, what is your name anyway?" Asked a very beautiful blonde woman who talked exceedingly fast.

William had no doubt who this gorgeous lady was when he heard her talk. No one else in class ever talked that fast, but Lisa never looked that good. "Lisa Taylor, you're looking great. You probably don't remember me, but I'm William, well, Billy Patterson."

"Billy Patterson?" she said in a surprised and screeching voice. "I never would have recognized you. Of course I remember you, but it's not Lisa Taylor anymore, it's Lisa Bolton. Yes, you guessed it, I'm Married to Larry Bolton. Isn't it great. Boy you look absolutely wonderful. I can't believe it. How in the world have you been? What kind of work are doing now anyway? No one has heard from you in so long. I just bet you're doing something incredible aren't you? You were always so smart."

"I've been fine. Things are going rather well for me actually. I've just been promoted to the head of the science department in the company I work for, and I'm receiving an award for a new invention of mine. But everyone will know about that in just a little while. . .Well, like I said, you look great, Lisa, I'll talk to you a little later. I want to get around and see a few more people."

William looked around the room and saw each person whom he felt had it coming. "There they stand, each one of them looking happy and carefree, just like in high school. They have no idea what's about to happen. Bubba, Charlie, Larry, Paul, John and Andrew, they all deserve what they're about get. I bet they're all just like they were in high school. They probably haven''t grown up at all." William thought to himself.

William went into the rest room to prepare for what was to come. He entered a stall and locked the door. Taking two separate bags from his jacket pockets he began to go to work. He had just finished a new invention a year ago that would revolutionize the weight loss industry. It would be released in less than a year from now. Just adding this one chemical to any food, in the right amount, would allow the fat in the food to be broken down to one eighth the amount of fat normally in that food. To make things even better, it had no distinct taste or smell, the food keeps it's flavor.

What William's employers did not know was that by adding a second chemical, that only he knew how to create, this miraculous new invention would cause intense pain and uncontrollable nervous reactions at random time intervals. Anyone taking the two chemicals together, even in the smallest amounts, would be in agony for several years. William was very confident that it would not cause death, but whoever tried it would wish it did.

"This will teach you to pull down the shorts of a nerd," said William as he slowly mixed the two bags together. "You think I was embarrassed, just wait until you begin to have fits wherever you go. You won't know when it' coming; just when you think you're OK, it'll hit again. Vengeance is mine." There was a smirk on his face showing pride of his accomplishment and at the opportunity for payback.

William walked back into the gym knowing that all he had to do was slip just a little of his magic mixture onto the food or into the drinks of these jerks and he would have his revenge. He looked to the far side of the room and saw all of them standing in a circle talking about old times. "This is perfect," he thought to himself.

"Hi guys," said William as he walked up to the gang. "How are you fellows doing tonight?"

"We're doing great Billy boy. How 'bout yourself?" asked Bubba.

"Actually," said Larry, "We hear that you're doing pretty good for yourself. Lisa was telling us that you had a good job and was even getting some award. That's really great Billy."

"Yes, well, things are going good for me. It seems to be getting better all the time," responded William while wondering why everyone seemed to be so nice toward him.

"I ain't doing bad myself," said Bubba. I had one of the best years ever down at the farm. I shore do miss that there Brad though. He was the best worker we had before the accident. Dang shame for that to happen."

"Brad worked for you, Bubba?," William inquired. "He never mentioned that in his letters. He just always said that his boss was a big farmer who treated him well. I never knew you were his boss."

"Yep, I took over daddy's farm when he died. Brad was a pretty good feller. I shore do miss him."

Charlie nervously spoke up after a short pause, "Hey William, I'm not good at this but I want to say that I'm real sorry 'bout givin' ya a hard time and gettin' mad at ya last night when me and Mark pulled ya over. I jus' let my temper get away sometimes. Hope there ain't no bad feelin's, man."

"No, everything is fine. I didn't think anything about it," William said while feeling somewhat perplexed.

Paul Adams, the bully himself, walked up to William and put his hand on his shoulder. He stood gazing into William's eyes and had a strange look on his face. William wasn't sure what to expect, was Paul mad, worried, confused, what was he about to do. His eyes widened and he swallowed deeply as memories of High School brought fright to William. Then suddenly Paul took a deep breath, swung his arms around and gave William a great big hug. "Hey man, I'm sorry about all the stupid stuff we did when we were kids. I wish I could go back in time and change it all. Lots of things have changed in my life and I'm not the same stupid kid I was. I hope that you haven't let all that stuff keep you back in life. You're a smart dude and I really respect you. I wish I could have been more like you in high school and not waited so long to grow up."

"Hey. . . It's OK don't worry about it. I turned out alright and it looks like you did also. We all have done stupid things in our lives." William stood there not really sure what was going on. This was not what he expected when he came to this reunion. Finally, he spoke up again, "I'm going to go and get us all some drinks. Let's have a toast to old times."

All the guys thought that was a great idea. William made his way to the drinks while stopping and talking to a few people along the way. Everyone seemed to be so nice and happy to see him. He was more popular tonight than he had ever been. He didn't know what to do. As he stood at the table all alone he remembered all the mean and nasty things that had happened in high school. He then remembered all the nice things that had just been said to him. "What should I do?," He thought to himself. "I've been planning this a long time. Do they deserve to get off just because they apologized after twenty years? . . .They still made my life a living hell in high school. They made me refuse to return to my home town because of shame and hatred. They tried to take away my dignity. . . But on the other hand they do seem to have changed. They appear sincerely sorry for what they had done. Paul even hugged me. I just don't know what to do."

As he finished gathering the drinks he looked across the room and saw Mary Lou Anderson. She was even more beautiful than in high school. William's knees began to shake. "I can't believe that I missed out on her and Bubba got her. That just isn't fair." Envy raged within as he watched her walk up to Bubba and give him a great big kiss. All the guys were smiling as they watched. William felt the bag in his jacket pocket just as he heard John yell for him to hurry up. Calmness began to set in but confusion remained. He watched the guys smiling and calling his name, then he looked at Mary Lou and she smiled and waved at him. Looking around the room once more he looked down at the drinks. He knew it was now or never and he had to make a decision.

Self(?)-Preservation

I'm about to turn 43 years old and I graduated from High School 25 years ago this year. I still remember when my Dad went to his 25th High School Reunion and thinking about how old he must be. At times I feel old yet at times I wonder why teenagers call me sir. It's certain that time will keep moving, we will all keep getting older and, at least for me, I'm no where near where I expected to be at this age.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my life lately. I know, I know... I don't need to dwell on the past but at the same time we should learn from the past. I've thought through the major events in my life, my successes and my failures and I have noticed a pattern. There isn't time right now to list them all and honestly, I don't have the desire to share them all but trust me, the successes were exciting and the failures, brutal.

A few weeks ago I studied the book of Exodus and made notes of some of the things that stood out to me. One of the items on my list was in chapter 2 when Moses ran away from Egypt and ended up in Midian. In case you don't know the story of Moses, let me give a quick summary up to this point. Moses was born a Hebrew during a time of Hebrew slavery in Egypt. The King of Egypt had decided that all male babies should be killed because the slaves were growing in number. Moses, however was hidden and was raised in the King's palace by the King's daughter. As a grown man, Moses saw a slave being mistreated and came to his defense. He killed the Egyptian and when he realized that people knew, he ran away in fear.

Relating to this story isn't difficult to me because I have been given many blessings in life only to do something on my own to mess it up and then run away out of guilt to hide and try to fix (or ignore) the problem on my own. When Moses arrived in Midian he sat down to rest and the daughters of the local priest came to get water and some shepherds didn't like it so they ran the girls off. (Big Bullies) Moses, put on his shiny armor, climbed upon his white horse.......... Wait, different story....... OK, Moses came to the defense of the ladies and was then invited by their father to eat with them and eventually to marry one of the daughters. Because he was polite and helpful to these ladies in need, his needs were also met and he found a new home. This man who had killed another man was being seen as kind and caring with a chance to start a new life.

If you know the story of Moses then you know that years later he went back to Egypt to lead the people out of slavery and into the Promised Land. But it all started with running away out of fear. Moses didn't go to Midian because there was a great job offer, to go to college or looking for a wife, he went there out of fear and self-preservation. He was in a jam and thought he knew best how to fix it and save himself from certain punishment or death. What he didn't know is that his self-preservation was actually part of God's awesome plan.

As I look at my life, the successes and failures, I realize that I had very little to do with the successes. They all came during times when I was truly seeking God's will for my life and being obedient. However, I had much to do with the failures because they came when I tried to do things on my own, often out of self-preservation. When I would lose sight of the vision, the big picture, the plan God had for me, I would make unwise decisions and there are ALWAYS consequences to our decisions. Several times, including a very dark time a little over 2 years ago, I would run from my problems. About a year ago I was still running when I found myself in a place I didn't want to be, a Church Service. I went there to give the appearance of self-preservation and hoping that my children would get something from the church that I was not providing. I knew my children needed God in their lives even if wanted to live my life, my way.

It's amazing to me how God worked it all out. Just as Moses thought he was running away to never return to the place of his greatest failure, I had made up my mind that I would never return to place of my greatest disgrace, the church. But God had a different idea. Sometimes our self-preservation is God's provision for His plan for our lives. Moses never dreamed he would someday be the leader of the Hebrew people, then God showed up at just the right time, when Moses was prepared through the right circumstances, to Rock the World of Moses and allow him to do things he never dreamed possible. Today I find myself not only attending but serving others in a church that loves Jesus and loves people. God brought conviction, allowed me to repent and is still changing me daily to become the man He wants me to be.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not comparing myself to Moses. I do believe, however, God has used many Faiures through the ages for great things and I believe He wants each of us to find similarities with these people so that we can realize that God wants to have fellowship with imperfect people and even use us to accomplish His great plan. One year ago I felt un-usable, unloved and unworthy and today I'm forgiven, free and loved. My marriage and family have been restored and I'm actually helping to reach people for Christ and making an impact on some lives. I don't know what God has for me in the next few years but I am so Thankful that He has brought me to this point and is giving me a 58th 2nd chance to serve Him. My prayer is that I will be bold and not Allow fear or failure to drive me away again. Also, that I will accept the plan God has for me instead of trusting in my Self-Preservation.

What about you? What in your past do you think is too big for God to fix? What are you trying to fix yourself? Maybe God is trying to take your circumstances and do something Big in and through you. Maybe He allowed you to go through your failures so that you could experience the greatest success of your life.

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