I'm about to turn 43 years old and I graduated from High School 25 years ago this year. I still remember when my Dad went to his 25th High School Reunion and thinking about how old he must be. At times I feel old yet at times I wonder why teenagers call me sir. It's certain that time will keep moving, we will all keep getting older and, at least for me, I'm no where near where I expected to be at this age.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about my life lately. I know, I know... I don't need to dwell on the past but at the same time we should learn from the past. I've thought through the major events in my life, my successes and my failures and I have noticed a pattern. There isn't time right now to list them all and honestly, I don't have the desire to share them all but trust me, the successes were exciting and the failures, brutal.
A few weeks ago I studied the book of Exodus and made notes of some of the things that stood out to me. One of the items on my list was in chapter 2 when Moses ran away from Egypt and ended up in Midian. In case you don't know the story of Moses, let me give a quick summary up to this point. Moses was born a Hebrew during a time of Hebrew slavery in Egypt. The King of Egypt had decided that all male babies should be killed because the slaves were growing in number. Moses, however was hidden and was raised in the King's palace by the King's daughter. As a grown man, Moses saw a slave being mistreated and came to his defense. He killed the Egyptian and when he realized that people knew, he ran away in fear.
Relating to this story isn't difficult to me because I have been given many blessings in life only to do something on my own to mess it up and then run away out of guilt to hide and try to fix (or ignore) the problem on my own. When Moses arrived in Midian he sat down to rest and the daughters of the local priest came to get water and some shepherds didn't like it so they ran the girls off. (Big Bullies) Moses, put on his shiny armor, climbed upon his white horse.......... Wait, different story....... OK, Moses came to the defense of the ladies and was then invited by their father to eat with them and eventually to marry one of the daughters. Because he was polite and helpful to these ladies in need, his needs were also met and he found a new home. This man who had killed another man was being seen as kind and caring with a chance to start a new life.
If you know the story of Moses then you know that years later he went back to Egypt to lead the people out of slavery and into the Promised Land. But it all started with running away out of fear. Moses didn't go to Midian because there was a great job offer, to go to college or looking for a wife, he went there out of fear and self-preservation. He was in a jam and thought he knew best how to fix it and save himself from certain punishment or death. What he didn't know is that his self-preservation was actually part of God's awesome plan.
As I look at my life, the successes and failures, I realize that I had very little to do with the successes. They all came during times when I was truly seeking God's will for my life and being obedient. However, I had much to do with the failures because they came when I tried to do things on my own, often out of self-preservation. When I would lose sight of the vision, the big picture, the plan God had for me, I would make unwise decisions and there are ALWAYS consequences to our decisions. Several times, including a very dark time a little over 2 years ago, I would run from my problems. About a year ago I was still running when I found myself in a place I didn't want to be, a Church Service. I went there to give the appearance of self-preservation and hoping that my children would get something from the church that I was not providing. I knew my children needed God in their lives even if wanted to live my life, my way.
It's amazing to me how God worked it all out. Just as Moses thought he was running away to never return to the place of his greatest failure, I had made up my mind that I would never return to place of my greatest disgrace, the church. But God had a different idea. Sometimes our self-preservation is God's provision for His plan for our lives. Moses never dreamed he would someday be the leader of the Hebrew people, then God showed up at just the right time, when Moses was prepared through the right circumstances, to Rock the World of Moses and allow him to do things he never dreamed possible. Today I find myself not only attending but serving others in a church that loves Jesus and loves people. God brought conviction, allowed me to repent and is still changing me daily to become the man He wants me to be.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not comparing myself to Moses. I do believe, however, God has used many Faiures through the ages for great things and I believe He wants each of us to find similarities with these people so that we can realize that God wants to have fellowship with imperfect people and even use us to accomplish His great plan. One year ago I felt un-usable, unloved and unworthy and today I'm forgiven, free and loved. My marriage and family have been restored and I'm actually helping to reach people for Christ and making an impact on some lives. I don't know what God has for me in the next few years but I am so Thankful that He has brought me to this point and is giving me a 58th 2nd chance to serve Him. My prayer is that I will be bold and not Allow fear or failure to drive me away again. Also, that I will accept the plan God has for me instead of trusting in my Self-Preservation.
What about you? What in your past do you think is too big for God to fix? What are you trying to fix yourself? Maybe God is trying to take your circumstances and do something Big in and through you. Maybe He allowed you to go through your failures so that you could experience the greatest success of your life.
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