"Be Proud of what you do, if you aren't, then change something!" Sounds simple enough doesn't it?
A few months ago a teenage girl asked me what my job was. I told her that I'm a Quality Manager. She asked if I sit at a desk a lot to which I replied, "Not all of the time but yes, much of the time." I was then challenged on why I work this job. Why don't I do something outside or something that would help people or make life more enjoyable? My immediate thought was, "One day you'll understand when you have to pay the bills." But I tried to justify and explain why I do what I do as an occupation. However, it was difficult because I knew my job was nothing more than a job for me. Her questions have haunted me ever since. I have not been happy with or proud of what I do. Then today I read this quote which brought it all back.
We tell our children that they can achieve anything. They can be anything they set their minds to be. Then we often squash their dreams by telling them how difficult it will be should they choose certain paths. We tell them to "Think Hard" and to choose a career that will provide for their future families and one that can be mapped out with the proper college degree and post-graduate degree, etc. How often do we tell them to choose a career path that will make them happy? One that will bring them satisfaction and pride? Believe me I understand the need for money, but I've also learned the hard way that the amount of money you earn has nothing to do with happiness because you can use it wisely and be content or use it foolishly and be miserable regardless of the amount.
I had the great privilege of being a Pastor to local churches for 10 years. As a young man, when I told my Pastor that I felt God was calling me into the Ministry he warned me that it would be difficult and he let me know that if a person can be content and happy doing anything other than Ministry as a profession, he should do it. I felt that I had no choice but to become a Pastor. It was my calling, my desire, my passion. Sure it was hard at times, but it ended up that the ministry was not what knocked me down it was my own weakness and taking my eyes off of the goal and off of Christ.
After resigning as Pastor I went from job to job trying to find something that I could do well and that would bring contentment to me. I assumed God was through with me as far as full-time service but I still served in the local church, taught Sunday School and helped in other ministries. If I were not going to provide for my family through ministry I was at least going to be faithful to serve as a volunteer in any way God would allow. The occupation where I found the most success was as a Quality Manager in the Medical Device Industry. I never felt it was my calling, but I learned it quickly and was rising up somewhat in the industry and had given in to the idea that this was my lot in life. Then something amazing and totally unexpected happened. My wife and I went on a one week mission trip to Nicaragua.
We couldn't afford this trip but felt led to go and true to His Word, God provided what we needed. That one week changed my life. I had not planned to tell my life's story here so I'll shorten it by saying within less than a year my wife and I had been approved to become missionaries to Nicaragua. What an amazing God we serve! I had given up all hope of ever being a missionary long before this time. When I least expected it, God showed up, gave me some awesome opportunities and before you know it, we're in Costa Rica learning Spanish and then in Nicaragua doing what I believe to be the greatest job on earth. I, Dwyndl Nelms, was an actual , full-time, living in a different country, speaking a different language, spending time helping people, working long hours and loving every minute of it, International Missionary!!! It was almost too good to be true.
Once again, after some time, I took my eye off of the goal, off of my Lord and I found myself going through the darkest, saddest, most depressing time of my life. I left Nicaragua with my head hung low and less than a year later I was divorced from my wife and I was running from God faster and more fierce than I had ever run away in my life. I still tried to hang on to a certain appearance for the sake of family and friends who once believed in me, but I had given up on myself. I felt un-useable, unforgivable and unlovable. I had taught many people through the years that God's love never fails and He is always ready to forgive and restore, but in my mind that was not true for me. I knew my heart. I knew my failures. I knew I didn't deserve another chance. Not to mention I had Christian Leaders whom I trusted tell me that I was done. I had brought disgrace to my family, my church, my mission board, my Christian Family and worse of all, to my God who had loved me, redeemed me, gave His Son for me and had called me to serve Him.
A little over a year ago, my son talked me into attending a worship service at a local church he had been attending on Wednesday nights. I wasn't impressed at first, other than the friendliness of several of the members, but I had no desire to be in church and felt very uncomfortable sitting through a worship service. I went for my kids and I am so glad I did. In a short amount of time the Youth Pastor became the Lead Pastor and God used him to speak to me in a very clear and powerful way. I finally repented, made a new commitment to Christ and began to grow again in my relationship with Him. I can't say I've been perfect, but what a difference a year makes. I'm married again to the same wife I had divorced. My whole family is active and serving in the church and God is steadily teaching me new things as He challenges me with new circumstances and people in my life.
Well, I've talked about my past and some of the present but let me touch on my present job and where I'm headed in the future. I once was a visionary. I looked ahead at where I wanted to be and had big dreams, now I just live day to day and try to survive in the state where I have felt stuck. My job is OK, but it's just a job. How can it begin to compare to the incredible satisfaction and joy of serving God and people as a Missionary? My volunteer service at church is very rewarding and I look forward to where our church is headed. Some areas of my life are good, others are in total disarray and I have no clue what will happen in the coming weeks or months. But I am finding contentment in the fact that God is charge and I am not. When I went to Nicaragua for the first time I would have never guessed that God would give me the great honor of living in, and loving the people of, that wonderful place. I had no idea what He was up to nor do I know now exactly what He has planned now. He told Abram to "Go... to the land that I will show you." (Gen. 12:1) No explanation, no map, just "Go." I am finally, yet slowly, learning what Paul tried to teach the church in Philippi when he said, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation," (4:13).
What about the quote? "Be proud of what you do. If you aren't, then change something!" Well, I think it's time to make some changes. I don't have all of the answers yet, but I know what it's like to live my dream and I know what it's like to simply endure. I've let my past failures and the fear of what others might say keep me from chasing dreams and I don't want my sons learning from me that you shouldn't go after your dreams. There are many stories of people who found success late in life; I'm in my 40's starting over. I am persuaded that it's not too late and God still has a purpose for me. I am declaring Jeremiah 29:11 as a verse for my life, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." And for those who believe that God can forgive, restore and still change lives; I'm asking you to pray with me and for me that He will give me wisdom, guidance and courage to simply follow His plan and stop trusting in my own. I don't know how long it will take, where this journey will lead or what this purpose will look like, but I'm going to the land that He will show me. The Past won't stop me, the Present will prepare me and His Promise will guarantee that the future will be something I, and He, can be proud of.
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“Be not the slave of your own past - plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with new self-respect, with new power, and with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
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