Get Over It!

I've preached a lot of sermons in my life. I honestly don't remember most of them, but there is one in particular that has been brought to remembrance lately. I was preaching about complaining and as I was talking about dealing with minor issues, I told the congregation "Just get over it." This was quoted by several church members in several situations following that sermon, thus cementing the phrase and the sermon in my head.

Recently, a friend, with the best of intentions, gave me the same advice. Apparently, I talk and post a lot about missing Nicaragua and wishing I could go back. This friend told me very directly, "Get over it already!" I have actually given that advice to others on many occasions and even to myself at times when I realized that I was wallowing in self-pity or dwelling on things that are unimportant. It's actually good advice in many situations.

It's been almost 4 years since I moved back to the USA from Nicaragua; over 3  1/2 years since I last touched Nicaraguan soil. Yet, not a single day has passed, barely a single hour has passed, that I have not thought about, and wished I could return to, the land and the people I love. To say I failed in my calling to serve these amazing people would be an understatement. I had the opportunity to live the rest of my life fulfilling my calling and making a difference in the lives of others, but I blew it in a relatively short period of time. I won't go into all the reasons or exactly what happened because it's not important to this writing, but the loss of opportunity to minister in Nicaragua is the greatest regret of my life.

They say, "Time heals all wounds" and that is partially true, but not completely. Sure, I'm a little better than I was 4 years ago. I don't cry several times through the day nor every night as I try to sleep. However, I do have at least one day a week where I shed a few tears and spend most of the day wondering, "What might have been." I know I shouldn't dwell on the past and I know I can't change the past or the consequences of my choices, but I also can't seem to "Get Over" the desire I have to live in and serve the country that stole my heart the first time I spent a week there. I love visiting and serving in other countries as well, but there's something about Nicaragua that is unexplainable. I've never lived anywhere that felt as much like Home as Nicaragua, and I've lived in a lot of places.

I know I am annoying some people by talking so much about Nicaragua. I also recognize that it's good advice to "Get over it" since there's little chance I'll ever get to go back to my home. However, this is who I am. Whether people like it or not, whether I like it or not, this defines me at this time in my life. I have accepted the consequences of my bad decisions, but I still love and long for the life I once lived. I know some worry about me taking my family back there because they only remember my mistakes and not the good that took place or the potential, but my desire is for the good not the mistake. My heart is, and forever will be, in Nicaragua. If it were easy to get over, 4 years would have been long enough. Shouldn't I at least only think about it every once in a while instead of every day?

So now I have a choice to make... I can either stop talking about and posting about my feelings, so as to stop annoying those who don't like it... OR... I can tell those who don't like it or don't understand it to "Get Over It!"

Hmm... I wonder what I'll do?...